• Yummy

    MRS. LOVETT:
    Seems a downright shame...
    TODD: Shame?
    LOVETT:
    Seems an awful waste...
    Such a nice, plump frame
    Wot's 'is name has...
    Had...
    Has!
    Nor it can't be traced...
    Bus'ness needs a lift,
    Debts to be erased...
    Think of it as thrift,
    As a gift,
    If you get my drift!

    No?

    Seems an awful waste...
    I mean, with the price of meat
    What it is,
    When you get it,
    If you get it...

    TODD: HAH!
    LOVETT:
    Good, you got it!

    Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop!
    Bus'ness never better using only pussycats and toast!
    And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most!
    And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste!

    [Simultaneously]

    TODD:
    Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion
    LOVETT:
    Well, it does seem a waste...

    TODD:
    Eminently practical
    And yet appropriate as always!
    LOVETT:
    It's an idea...

    TODD:
    Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived
    Without you all these years, I'll never know!
    How delectable!
    Also undetectable!
    LOVETT:
    Think about it!
    Lots of other gentlemen'll
    Soon be comin' for a shave,
    Won't they?
    Think of
    All them
    Pies!

    TODD:
    How choice!

    How
    Rare!

    TODD:
    For what's the sound of the world out there?
    LOVETT:
    What, Mr. Todd?
    What, Mr. Todd?
    What is that sound?
    TODD:
    Those crunching noises pervading the air!
    LOVETT:
    Yes, Mr. Todd!
    Yes, Mr. Todd!
    Yes, all around!
    TODD:
    It's man devouring man, my dear!
    BOTH:
    And [LOVETT: Then] who are we to deny it in here?

    TODD: (spoken) These are desperate times,
    Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for!
    LOVETT: Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven!
    TODD: What is that?

    LOVETT:
    It's priest. Have a little priest.
    TODD:
    Is it really good?
    LOVETT:
    Sir, it's too good, at least!
    Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh,
    So it's pretty fresh.
    TODD:
    Awful lot of fat.
    LOVETT:
    Only where it sat.
    TODD:
    Haven't you got poet, or something like that?
    LOVETT:
    No, y'see, the trouble with poet is
    'Ow do you know it's deceased?
    Try the priest!

    TODD: (spoken) Heavenly!
    Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps,
    but then again, not as bland as curate, either!

    LOVETT:
    And good for business, too -- always leaves you wantin' more!
    Trouble is, we only get it on Sundays!

    Lawyer's rather nice.
    TODD:
    If it's for a price.
    LOVETT:
    Order something else, though, to follow,
    Since no one should swallow it twice!
    TODD:
    Anything that's lean.
    LOVETT:
    Well, then, if you're British and loyal,
    You might enjoy Royal Marine!
    Anyway, it's clean.
    Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!
    TODD:
    Is that squire,
    On the fire?
    LOVETT:
    Mercy no, sir, look closer,
    You'll notice it's grocer!
    TODD:
    Looks thicker,
    More like vicar!
    LOVETT:
    No, it has to be grocer --
    It's green!

    TODD:
    The history of the world, my love --
    LOVETT:
    Save a lot of graves,
    Do a lot of relatives favors!
    TODD:
    Is those below serving those up above!
    LOVETT:
    Ev'rybody shaves,
    So there should be plenty of flavors!
    TODD:
    How gratifying for once to know
    BOTH:
    That those above will serve those down below!

    LOVETT: (spoken) Now let's see, here... We've got tinker.
    TODD: Something... pinker.
    LOVETT: Tailor?
    TODD: Paler.
    LOVETT: Butler?
    TODD: Subtler.
    LOVETT: Potter?
    TODD: Hotter.
    LOVETT: Locksmith?

    Lovely bit of clerk.
    TODD:
    Maybe for a lark.
    LOVETT:
    Then again there's sweep
    If you want it cheap
    And you like it dark!
    Try the financier,
    Peak of his career!
    TODD:
    That looks pretty rank.
    LOVETT:
    Well, he drank,
    It's a bank
    Cashier.
    Never really sold.
    Maybe it was old.
    TODD:
    Have you any Beadle?
    LOVETT:
    Next week, so I'm told!
    Beadle isn't bad till you smell it and
    Notice 'ow well it's been greased...
    Stick to priest!

    (spoken) Now then, this might be a little bit stringy,
    but then of course it's... fiddle player!
    TODD: No, this isn't fiddle player -- it's piccolo player!
    LOVETT: 'Ow can you tell?
    TODD: It's piping hot!
    LOVETT: Then blow on it first!

    TODD:
    The history of the world, my sweet --
    LOVETT:
    Oh, Mr. Todd,
    Ooh, Mr. Todd,
    What does it tell?
    TODD:
    Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat!
    LOVETT:
    And, Mr. Todd,
    Too, Mr. Todd,
    Who gets to sell!
    TODD:
    But fortunately, it's also clear
    BOTH:
    That [L: But] ev'rybody goes down well with beer!

    LOVETT: (spoken)
    Since marine doesn't appeal to you, 'ow about... rear admiral?
    TODD: Too salty. I prefer general.
    LOVETT: With, or without his privates? "With" is extra.

    TODD: What is that?
    LOVETT:
    It's fop.
    Finest in the shop.
    And we have some shepherd's pie peppered
    With actual shepherd on top!
    And I've just begun --
    Here's the politician, so oily
    It's served with a doily,
    Have one!
    TODD:
    Put it on a bun.
    Well, you never know if it's going to run!
    LOVETT:
    Try the friar,
    Fried, it's drier!
    TODD:
    No, the clergy is really
    Too coarse and too mealy!
    LOVETT:
    Then actor,
    That's compacter!
    TODD:
    Yes, and always arrives overdone!
    I'll come again when you have JUDGE on the menu!

    LOVETT: (spoken) Wait! True, we don't have judge yet,
    but we've got something you might fancy even better.
    TODD: What's that?
    LOVETT: Executioner!

    TODD:
    Have charity towards the world, my pet!
    LOVETT:
    Yes, yes, I know, my love!
    TODD:
    We'll take the customers that we can get!
    LOVETT:
    High-born and low, my love!
    TODD:
    We'll not discriminate great from small!
    No, we'll serve anyone,
    Meaning anyone,
    BOTH:
    And to anyone
    At all!

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